When a child goes through a traumatic experience, such as sexual abuse, their entire world changes. Instead of seeing reality as a predictable and friendly place, they come to perceive it as a dangerous, unstable, and difficult-to-understand place. At such times, a parent or close adult becomes the main anchor the child needs.

Being a “safe figure” doesn’t mean having all the answers, but rather creating a physical and emotional space where the child feels protected, loved, and understood. It is that adult who conveys calm, predictability, and trust—who shows through gestures and words that, no matter what has happened, the child is not alone and has a stable presence by their side.

Predictability—How to Reduce a Child’s Inner Chaos

After a traumatic event, the child experiences a profound sense of insecurity. The abusive event occurred suddenly, without warning, and shattered their belief that the world is a safe place. That is why daily routines and the small, predictable details of family life become essential.

Parents can help by:

• establishing simple routines (regular meals, sleep schedules, bedtime rituals);
• announcing changes in advance (“Tomorrow we’re going to the doctor; I’ll be right by your side the whole time”);
• keeping promises, so that words match actions.

Every element of stability conveys to the child that they are not completely out of control and that there are things they can rely on. Over time, this predictability reduces anxiety and restores trust.

Unconditional acceptance—healing shame and guilt

A common effect of sexual abuse is that the victim feels shame or guilt. The child may tell themselves, “Maybe I was the one who did something wrong,” “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything,” or even “It’s my fault this happened.” These thoughts can overwhelm the child and cause them to withdraw.

The parent, as a source of security, has the role of counteracting these feelings. Unconditional acceptance means constantly reassuring the child that they are loved and valued exactly as they are. This translates into:

• clear messages (“You’re not to blame for what happened,” “You’re still my child, and I love you”);
• patiently listening to the child’s emotions without minimizing what they’re feeling (“You’re scared, and it’s natural to feel that way”);
• avoiding criticism of how they react after the abuse.

Unconditional acceptance helps them gradually free themselves from the burden of guilt and understand that they are not responsible for what they experienced.

Protection—the adult’s clear responsibility

A traumatized child needs to know that someone is truly protecting them. It is not enough for them to hear reassuring words. They need to see concrete actions through which the parent ensures their safety.

Protection means:

cutting off all contact with the abuser, regardless of the family or social context;
collaborating with specialists and authorities to ensure the child is not re-exposed to risks;
establishing clear and safe boundaries in daily life.
The messages conveyed to the child must be clear and firm: “You are safe now; you will no longer be left alone in the face of danger.” In this way, the child feels that there is an adult capable of taking care of them.

Emotional Presence – Truly Being There for Your Child

Perhaps the most important aspect is emotional presence. A child needs not only physical protection but also an emotional connection.

This presence is expressed through:

spending time together in simple, enjoyable activities that convey a sense of normalcy and closeness;
being willing to listen when the child wants to talk, without pressuring them;
observing behaviors that may hide unspoken emotions (for example, withdrawal, sleep difficulties, tantrums).
Emotional presence requires patience and a willingness to be there even when there are no immediate solutions. What matters is that the adult does not withdraw but remains a constant source of support.

Collaboration with Professionals—Support for the Child and Family

A parent who serves as a source of security is not alone in this process. They become the bridge between the child and the specialists involved: psychologists, doctors, and authorities. The child needs multidisciplinary support, and the parent’s role is to accompany them and ensure continuity.

The parent’s presence at important meetings, explanations tailored to the child’s age, and constant reassurances that the child will not be alone are all part of the emotional protection that only a parent can provide.

Here are a few specific situations:

• When the child asks, “Will it happen again?”, the parent can respond, “No, I’m taking care of you, and you won’t be in danger anymore.”
• If the child says, “I’m ashamed to talk about it,” the parent can encourage them: “There’s no reason to be ashamed. You’re brave, and I’m proud that you’re telling me.”
• Before a visit to a psychologist, a parent can prepare the child: “We’ll go together. I’ll stay close by, and you can say as much or as little as you want.”

Such messages convey protection, acceptance, and predictability.

Being a source of security for your child means becoming their anchor of stability and trust. It doesn’t require perfection or answers to every question. It requires routine and predictability, unconditional love, steadfast protection, and emotional presence.

Through these things, parents convey to their child the most powerful message they need to begin healing: “You are safe. It’s not your fault. I am here for you.”

In addition to the direct support provided to the child, parents also need resources to cope with this challenge. Being a source of security requires patience, emotional balance, and constant availability—qualities that can be difficult to maintain when the adult is also experiencing pain, helplessness, or anger. In this regard, parental counseling can be a valuable source of support. Through sessions with a specialist, parents can develop empathetic communication skills, learn how to respond to their child’s emotional needs, and manage their own reactions. In this way, the entire family has the opportunity to gradually rebuild a climate of safety and trust that supports the healing process.

Bibliography:

Council of the Baltic Sea States (2017). The Barnahus Quality Standards: Guidance for Multidisciplinary and Interagency Response to Child Sexual Abuse in Europe. PROMISE Project

National Child Traumatic Stress Network (2018). Caring for Children Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers.