“Why am I here?”

This is probably the first question that springs to mind when you find out you’re going to see a psychologist. Some children end up seeing a psychologist because:

• something has happened that has frightened or hurt them;
• they have witnessed something difficult to understand or frightening;
• the adults want to make sure they’re all right;
• they feel sad, angry, confused or lonely and don’t know how to put their feelings into words.
  You might have heard words that sound complicated and have scared you, such as ‘report’, ‘sessions’ or ‘assessment’, and wondered if you’ve done something wrong or if there’s something wrong with you. Sometimes, when we’re going through tough times or when adults want to help us, we need to talk to a psychologist. The truth is that none of these words need to scare you.
  They’re just ways in which grown-ups try to find out how you’re feeling, what you’ve been through and how they can look after you better. It’s your right to be listened to and supported.

Perhaps it was your choice to come here, or perhaps the adults decided this for you. Even if you didn’t choose to come here, it’s important to know that this space is all about you. The psychologist isn’t here to tell you off, to ‘test’ you or to force you to do anything. They’re here to understand what you’re going through and to find out how they can help you.

What is a psychological assessment?

A psychological assessment means that the psychologist gets to know you, listens to you and tries to understand:

• what you think;
• what you feel;
• how you react in certain situations;
• how you function in everyday life (at home, at school, with other people).

It’s as if they’re putting together a jigsaw puzzle about you, about who you are as a person, with all your emotions, thoughts and behaviours. It’s not an exam. There are no right or wrong answers.

Sometimes, the assessment involves:

• answering questions about your life;
• drawing, choosing from pictures, or describing what you see;
• taking written tests or playing games that help the psychologist understand how your mind works;
• talking about how you feel, what’s bothering you, what you like or what scares you.

Everything is confidential. This means that the psychologist will not tell others what you say, unless it is necessary for your safety – and even then, they will discuss it with you first. You will be the first to know if the psychologist needs to disclose certain things to other adults, and you will be able to ask questions about it so that you can understand the reason.

Sometimes, the assessment relates to something that has happened: a family conflict, a traumatic experience or a suspicion of abuse. In such cases, the psychologist will be attentive and gentle, so that you can talk about what you’ve been through, at your own pace, without feeling pressured.

What is psychological counselling?

Once the psychologist has got to know you and understood how you think, what you feel and how your mind works, you may embark on a journey together known as psychological counselling, which may last for a shorter or longer period.

Counselling means:

• talking about what has happened to you or how you feel;
• learning to recognise the emotions that sometimes feel too much to bear;
• finding new ways to understand yourself and cope with difficult situations;
• having a safe space where you can be yourself, without pretending, without feeling ashamed, and without being judged.

In counselling:

• you can cry or you can laugh. You can say, ‘I don’t want to talk about that right now’.
• you can talk about things you’ve never told anyone before.
• you may find that the pain starts to feel less intense once you’ve spoken about it.

The psychologist listens to you. They don’t interrupt you. They don’t tell you, ‘You’re wrong.’ They don’t ask you, ‘Why did you do that?’ They help you understand where certain reactions come from, so you stop blaming yourself and regain your self-confidence.

How are assessment and counselling linked?

Assessment is the starting point. It’s the stage where the psychologist gets to know you and gathers information about you, to understand how they can best help you. Counselling is the journey you can take together, over time, to help you regain your balance and feel safe.

Sometimes, children come just for an assessment (for example, when a professional opinion is needed for court or the authorities). At other times, the assessment is followed by counselling, especially if the psychologist notices that you need ongoing emotional support.

What else you need to know:

You can trust yourself. You’re stronger than you think.

It’s not your fault if someone has hurt you.

It takes courage to say how you feel; it’s not a sign of weakness.

The psychologist is on your side. They’re not there to change you, but to support you.

References:

Cohen, J. A., Mannarino, A. P., & Deblinger, E. (2017). Treating trauma and traumatic grief in children and adolescents (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.

Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (3rd ed.). New York: Routledge.

Child Mind Institute. (2020). Child therapy: What it is and how it works.

Article by Diana Munteanu, clinical psychologist & psychotherapist, Barnahus Centre