When we refer to the phenomenon of abuse of any kind against minors, we are implicitly referring to prevention and protection strategies as well. Prevention can be achieved at various levels and scales, starting with the micro level (the family) and extending to the macro level (social policies and strategies). While social policies involve complex, lengthy, and often arduous processes, strategies at the micro level focus on improving the parent–child relationship. Strengthening the parent–child relationship—a simple, accessible, and inexpensive approach at the micro level—has a major impact on the effectiveness of macro-level policies, as it reduces the need for costly and sometimes belated interventions by the system and the authorities responsible for child protection.

Research and clinical studies indicate that one of the most powerful forms of protection and prevention for children against abuse of any kind is the quality of their relationship with their parent. We are referring to the quality of the parent-child relationship from the very moment the child is born. Abuse of any kind can occur at any age, and young children are particularly vulnerable to abuse due to their cognitive and emotional immaturity.

Young children do not yet have the ability to assess dangers or the intentions of others. They learn about the world through their relationship with their parent. When this relationship is characterized by availability and open communication, the child develops a secure attachment style toward their parent. This type of attachment provides the child with two fundamental resources: the confidence to talk to their parent about anything and ask for help, and the ability to recognize situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

A child who has a close relationship with their parent will find it easier to talk about what is happening to them, will signal discomfort or fear, and will seek support when they feel insecure. In contrast, children who do not feel safe in their relationship with their parent may not share what is happening to them, may not realize that what they are experiencing is wrong, and may cope by remaining silent or withdrawing.

But how exactly does one build a relationship of trust and open communication between parent and child? It is built through simple, consistent daily behaviors, not through “special” interventions. Here are some practical suggestions for parents:

• Daily active listening: Pay genuine attention when your child speaks, without interrupting or correcting them right away. Be fully present in the conversation, even if what your child is telling you seems trivial or boring to you. The implicit message your child picks up from you is: “I matter to my parent. I can come and tell them anything.”
• Validating emotions: Use phrases like “I understand that you were scared/upset,” even if the situation seems minor. Validating emotions helps children identify and name how they feel as a result of the situations they’re going through. Consequently, validating emotions helps children distinguish between real situations that do or do not cause them discomfort, stress, or distress.
• Open-ended questions: Instead of “Did you have a good day?”, try: “What did you like best today?” or “Tell me about your day at preschool.” These types of questions will help children provide a variety of information that they wouldn’t have shared in response to closed-ended “yes” or “no” questions.
• Respond calmly to confessions: Avoid reactions such as panic, anger, or punishment when your child tells you something about themselves or the situations they’re going through. Your calm reactions convey the implicit message to your child “You can tell me anything. I won’t get scared, I won’t start yelling, I won’t punish you, etc.”

It’s important to emphasize here that we’re not advocating for the “perfect parent” who, every single time and at every moment of their interaction with the child, does or says only what is correct and appropriate. That’s neither possible nor realistic. Rather, we’re referring to the “good enough” parent—the one who, throughout their relationship with their child, strives to do things well enough and to keep improving. Just as there is no such thing as a perfect parent, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship between a parent and their child. However, there are “good enough” relationships, in which the child feels seen, heard, and safe. It is this sense of safety that helps the child speak up when something is wrong or when something is happening to them.

References:

Belsky, J., & de Haan, M. (2011). Parenting and child development in the context of maltreatment. Current Opinion in Psychology, 7, 15–22

Gordon, K. K. (2021). Parent-child attachment: A principle-based concept analysis. SAGE Open Nursing, 7, 1–10

Article written by Patricia Aramă, clinical psychologist and expert psychologist specializing in the assessment and forensic psychological evaluation of children