Currently, emotional difficulties and concerning behaviors have begun to manifest in children at increasingly younger ages. The concerning states, symptoms, and behaviors exhibited by children can range from requiring only parental supervision to necessitating specialized, urgent medical care.

In today’s article, we’ll discuss a concerning behavior that has become increasingly common among children in recent times and that causes intense fear in parents: self-harming behaviors, or what is medically termed “self-injury without suicidal intent.”

What is self-harm?

First of all, let’s understand what self-harm actually is. These refer to the intentional infliction of physical injuries on one’s own body, without the intention of dying, such as:

► superficial cuts on the arms or legs (with a razor blade, knife, pencil sharpener, etc.);

► scratches, burns from objects, or exposure to pain;

► controlled hitting or striking (the child bangs their head against hard objects, punches walls, bites their body, etc.).

These behaviors are particularly common among adolescents, but recently they have begun to appear among increasingly younger children and are often linked to intense emotional distress, feelings of guilt, shame, anger, or anxiety.

Functions of Self-Harm

Self-harm can serve several psychological functions, which do not automatically imply a desire to die. Among the most common are:

► Emotional regulation: the child harms themselves to reduce the intensity of overwhelming emotions (anger, anxiety, sadness); the behavior serves as a kind of “outlet” for internal stress, rather than a desire for death per se.

► Expression of internal pain: Sometimes, children cannot find the words to describe what they are feeling and use physical pain as a way to externalize their suffering.

► Regaining a sense of control: In situations where a child feels powerless or overwhelmed, self-harm can create the sensation that they “can control something,” even if it is only their own body.

► Self-punishment: Some children and adolescents use self-harm to punish themselves, out of feelings of guilt or shame.

► Derealization or cognitive coping: Physical pain can help “numb” emotions or reconnect with reality when a child feels dissociated.

What is important to remember is that these self-harming behaviors do not automatically equate to a desire to die. On the contrary, these behaviors can be understood as coping mechanisms for dealing with emotional distress with the goal of staying alive.

What You Can Do as Parents:

► Stay calm and be open to listening without judging: Once you’ve learned about your child’s self-harming behaviors, talk to them directly. Questions such as “How are you feeling?” or “Would you like to tell me what made you do this?” can open the conversation. Listen without judging; this open attitude can help your child share as much information as possible, allowing you to form an accurate understanding of what is really going on with them.

► Assess the risk: Although the primary purpose of self-harming behaviors is not to end one’s life—but, on the contrary, to stay alive—they can also be used as a means of suicide. That is why it is essential to ask the child directly what their purpose was in engaging in self-harming behaviors. Ask if they have thoughts of death or concrete plans; if so, contact a specialist or emergency services immediately.

► Seek specialized support: even if the self-harming behaviors were intended solely to cope with difficult, negative emotions—and not for the purpose of suicide—it is important to seek help from mental health professionals, such as a psychologist and/or psychiatrist.

► Promote healthy, functional alternatives for coping with stress and emotional distress: teach your child how to cope with emotional distress in a healthy way, for example, by playing sports, spending time with friends, enjoying quality time with family, or pursuing a hobby or passion.

Self-harm in children and adolescents is a sign that they need emotional support and should not automatically be confused with a suicide attempt. Understanding the functions of this behavior, along with professional intervention, can prevent the problem from escalating and help your child learn healthy and safe coping mechanisms.

As parents, the most important thing is to observe, communicate, and seek specialized help, while at the same time providing the child with support and a sense of security.

Bibliography: DSM-5-TR, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Author: American Psychiatric Association, Callisto Publishing House

Article written by Patricia Aramă, clinical psychologist and expert psychologist specializing in the assessment and forensic psychological evaluation of children