Abuse and neglect are potentially traumatic experiences for children and adolescents with multiple emotional, behavioral and social effects. A consequence of these events is the onset of depression. Whether it is about an isolated episode or if the depression extends over a longer period of time, it has an impact on the child’s life.

According to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, depressive disorders are characterized by “presence of a sad, empty or irritable mood, accompanied by somatic and cognitive changes that significantly affect the individual’s ability to function”

Signs that can indicate the presence of depression in children and adolescents:

• Feelings of sadness and/or inner emptiness: sometimes the child says that he is sad, cries or you see him with a sad face; other times he doesn’t talk about it or says that he doesn’t feel anything, but you can notice that he is not happy as before, he is always absent, lost in thought;
• Irritability and/or tantrums: sadness can often be masked by irritability or anger due to the fact that the minor does not realize what is going on with him, what he really feels; thus, he may reject you, refuse to talk to you, burst out in a tantrum, scream or even hit, overreact to a word or a situation;
• Low self-esteem: lacks self-confidence, cares too much about other people’s opinions, often compares himself with others, considers himself inferior, talks about himself in a negative way, hardly accepts compliments, has doubts, is afraid to make mistakes, lets others treat him badly and prefers to please them;
• Social withdrawal: You notice that he has begun to isolate himself, avoid going out with friends, spend less and less time with family; he often prefers to be alone rather than engage in activities with others;
• Decreased interest in or enjoyment of activities: for a while now, he doesn’t have as much fun as he used to, doesn’t enjoy activities he used to enjoy, has given up hobbies he used to be interested in or is less motivated to pursue them;
• Lack of hope: You see him more pessimistic, he only thinks about negative scenarios, talks about a bleak future and fails to see the bright side of the glass;
• Poor performance at school: he has started to get low grades or grades that are below his previous level, he is no longer paying attention in class, he often makes mistakes, seems distracted;
• Changes in eating habits: your child or teen eats more or less than he or she used to; you’ve noticed a weight gain or loss in your child;
• Feelings of guilt and shame: Feeling guilty for everything, even when he or she is not the one responsible; often the intensity of guilt and shame is much stronger than you would normally expect in a given situation;
• Lack of energy and motivation: not as involved in activities, seems not to be drawn to anything or sees no point in initiating or sticking to plans; is always tired and prefers to stay in bed or alone;
• Physical discomfort: he is increasingly experiencing tummy aches or headaches, is tired more often, is physically unwell despite the absence of medical problems;
• Sleep problems: he has started sleeping more than usual or, on the contrary, is sleeping much less;
• Suicidal thoughts and/or attempts: he talks obsessively about death, says that people would be better off without him or that he wishes he didn’t exist, deliberately hurts himself or uses drugs, tries to take his own life.

! Warning signs indicating the need for urgent specialist help:

1. The child spends most of the time alone, is extremely withdrawn and sad.
2. The child uses alcohol or drugs excessively or spends time with shady associates.
3. The child is obsessed with the idea of death or suicide.
4. The child threatens to kill him/herself, deliberately hurts him/herself or has attempted suicide.

How can you help a child with depression:

1. Educate yourself about the signs of depression.
2. Listen without judging.
3. Teach relaxing strategies.
4. Prepare healthy meals.
5. Encourage daily exercise.
6. Encourage socializing.
7. Set healthy rules at home.
8. Find opportunities to appreciate him.
9. Do enjoyable acitivites with him.
10. Do not panic if he tells you he wants to die.
11. Seek specialized help: psychologist, psychiatrist.
12. Look after your own health.

What you can say to your child with depression:

“It’s okay to feel this way.”

“I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

“It’s okay to take it easy.”

“We’ll get through this together, little by little.”

“There’s no need to pretend you’re okay. It’s okay to honestly say how you feel.”

“I want you to know you’re not alone.

“Let’s find a healthy way to deal with how you feel.”

“Your condition is important to me.”

“I’m proud of you for talking about how you feel.

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“I love you!”

What NOT to say to your child with depression:

“It’s all in your head.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“Just snap out of it.”

“Other people have it much worse.”

“Stop complaining.

“You’ll be punished if you go on like this.”

“You upset me.”

“You’re so difficult.”

“You just want attention.”

“It’s your own fault”.

A psychiatric diagnosis can only be established by a psychiatrist. This article is intended only as information for parents/adults who come into contact with minors who are suspected of having been exposed to abusive situations and who show signs that may indicate depressive symptoms.

Bibliography:

American Psychiatric Association, Manual of Diagnostic and Statistical Classification of Mental Disorders, Text revised, Callisto Publishing House, 2024;

https://www.nami.org/depression-disorders/5-things-you-can-do-to-help-your-child-with depression/

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/how-to-help-a-child-with-depression/

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/childrens-mental-health/depression-anxiety-mental-health/

Article realized by Diana Munteanu, clinician psychologist and psychotherapist, Barnahus Center