For Children

How do we learn to say „no” and set limits?

Children have the right to feel safe, respected and listened to. One of the most important things they can learn is how to say „no” and to set clear boundaries in their interactions with other. These skills not only help them avoid dangerous situations, but also help them develop self-confidence and self-respect.

What does it mean to say „NO”?

Saying „no” is not just saying no to something. It means expressing your wishes and protecting your feelings when something makes you feel uncomfortable. Children need to know that they have the right to say “no” in many situations, whether we are talking about simple things like sharing toys or more serious situations like touching or inappropriate behavior by others.

When a child learns to say „no”, he/she understands that:

  • He/she has control over his/her own body – no one should touch him/her, hug him/her or force him/her to do something that he/she doesn’t want to do.
  • His/her voice matters – whatever his/her age, his/her opinions and his/her wishes are important and should be respected
  • Is OK to say no – even when it is about friends, relatives or adults, a child should feel that it is perfectly normal to say “no” if something makes them feel bad or scared.

How to set your boundaries?

Setting boundaries means teaching others what is acceptable for you and what is not. This is very important, especially for children who are often under pressure to conform to the wishes of others.

Here are some methods through which children can learn to set their boundaries:

  1. Talk about your feelings: learning to express your feelings openly, you can more easily explain why you are uncomfortable with certain things. For example: “I don’t want to play games right now” or “I don’t feel comfortable doing this”.
  2. Practice refusal: tell your child that he/she can practice safe situations how to politely but firmly say no. Through play, parents can create scenarios where children learn how to say no without feeling guilty.
  3. Don’t be afraid of what others will think: Many children fear that they will be excluded if they refuse to do what is asked of them. You can explain to your child that real friends will respect their boundaries and that they don’t have to do something just to please others.
  4. Say “no” to inappropriate behavior: Whether it’s bullying, unwanted touching or even jokes that make him feel bad, your child needs to know that he can say no to inappropriate behavior and that it’s important to talk to an adult if he feels in danger.

How do we react when we feel pressured?

There are situations when children may feel that they don’t have the option to say ‘no’. For example, when someone tells them that they ‘have to’ or that they ‘won’t be friends’ if they don’t do what they are asked. In these moments, it is essential to know that:

  • It’s okay to walk away from a situation you don’t like – if you feel pressured to do something, you should walk away from that situation and seek help from a trusted adult.
  • You can ask for help – if someone insists that you do something you don’t like, ask a trusted adult or friend for help.

Learning to say ‘no’ and set boundaries is an essential skill that will protect children from dangerous situations and inappropriate pressure. With adult support and constant nurturing, children can become more aware of their rights, stronger in the face of pressure and better able to defend themselves when necessary.

 

Bibliography

Svensson, B., 2000, „Victims and perpetrators on sexual abuse and treatment”, Save the Children Sweden.

 

Article realized by Ramona Cîrcu, activities coordinator